Dear GirlShrink,
Three years ago i met this man and started to really like him but he was engaged at the time we met and he decided to be faithful to his fiance, so
we decieded to be just friends. I then met someone else and started to feel like he was the one and me and the other man lost communication. I have always heard the other man used to ask about me, but i didnt want to get my feeling hurt again. Now 3 years later me and my boyfriend are having problems and i ran into the other guy and we started hanging out. Him and his wife are having issues and are on the verge of divorce. I really want to be with him but i dont want to hurt my current boyfriends feelings. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn between the two.What should i do please help.
Dear Torn,
There are too many MAYBE’S in this story. He might be getting a divorce. You are having problems with your boyfriend but you aren’t broken up. I don’t think there is a decision to make at all. You are cheating on your boyfriend at least emotionally with this other man — that MUST be contributing to your problems. So how’s that going to get better? This other guy has been cheating on his wife early on – before the marriage – do you really think that things will be different with you? There is no decision to make until one of you makes a real move.
If this other guy wasn’t in the equation, would you want to work things out with your boyfriend? If so – then you should.
If this guy is on the “verge” of divorce for the next two years, are you still going to “hang out” with him? Divorce is messy. Many couples stay married for a very long time before they finally make a real move towards divorce – signed divorce papers! Let’s see what he’s going to do and how fast it happens before you start making decisions in your own life. You wouldn’t want to ruin a 3 year relationship because you thought you could be with this other man – and it doesn’t happen.
What I’m basically saying is that you should not make a decision about your boyfriend based on this other man. That says a lot about your relationship and your commitment to him. Listen – problems happen. The true measure of a relationship is what you do when problems arise. Do you work through them or do you always bail?
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