Dear GirlShrink,
I am recently engaged and love my fiance, but his mother is ridiculously looney-tunes! She calls me in the middle of the night to talk about nothing. She spends tons of money that she doesn’t have. All with my fiance’s credit. She interferes in every decision that we make after we have made it. She wants to be a part of everything that we do but in a very non-productive way. Like – she isn’t helping. I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about postponing the wedding because of her. But I don’t want to hurt my fiance. Any advice?
Shelia NewKirk

Dear Shelia,
You don’t need to postpone your wedding. Because waiting 6 months to see what can be done about your future mother-in-law is not the solution. What you are going to have to do is decide WITH your fiance just how involved she is going to be in your lives period. Can he make decisions without even mentioning things to her? Can he ignore the calls etc. How will he feel if you choose to ignore her calls and erratic behavior. Because if she is simply an attention seeker – then ignoring her is the best remedy. But if there is something more wrong with her such as depression, manic disorder, or bipolar depression — then your fiance may want to take some course of action.

The bottom line here though is that you two need to tackle this issue together and not be afraid to hurt each others feelings. This is someone you will have to deal with in your lives for quite a long time. So it’s best that you both are on the same page on how you are going to handle it.

I have found that a really good husband will respect your feelings and try to be the “buffer” between you two. It is his responsibility to deal with the “crazy relations” just as it is your responsibility to deal with yours. (Hey, everybody has ‘em!)

Dear GirlShrink,
My husband is horrible with managing our finances. And while I pay all the bills, he likes to have a major say in how we spend our money. Which he doesn’t do smartly. He thinks he is a good business person. But he isn’t. He makes decisions based on living for today and not planning for the future. He thinks we are going to hit some big pay dirt soon which will solve all our problems. What should I do? I married him. I’ve got to make this work.
Michaela
Vancouver, BC

Dear Michaela,
Your husband sounds like so many others – thinking that money is going to solve their financial problems. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Don’t we know a ton of stories about famous millionaires who went broke or were driven to addiction. Now having said that, it sounds like your husband probably came from a background where sound financial principles were not applied. He may not know how to “plan” and perhaps looks at is as a sign of weakness or a sign of being pessimistic. He rather believe that a big windfall will call to solve your economic crisis – than to plan for the chance that it may or may not happen.

I would take this seriously though. As you know, money is the #1 cause of divorce in today’s modern marriage. I would seriously consider talking to a financial planner about putting you both on a budget. Sometimes the visit acts more like a therapy session then you could imagine! An outside person can perhaps shed some light on your financial health that he was unable to hear from you.

Get him to agree to one meeting with a financial planner – and take it from there.