Dear GirlShrink,
Ok, I was dating this guy on and off for four years, in that time frame he became my 1st love. But during the off part and we was seeing other people, I got pregnant and had a baby by another guy. After he found out I was pregnant, he stopped communicating with me all together. There was no closure at all. It’s been a year now and I still find myself thinking and dreaming about my ex ALOT! We have seen each other recently, the connection was there, but he didn’t feel comfortable being around me. I think I still have really strong feelings for him, but I really don’t know what to do at this point.. So I am coming to you, asking for your help and advice on my confusing situation.
Signed,
Wonderchick10
Dear Wonderchick10,
It’s very common for guys to shut down when women “move on” during an off period in a relationship. Usually because he didn’t expect you to really and truly move on. Your pregnancy and child are just constant reminders of how you were able to “forget him” during that period. I don’t think you should make him aware of your feelings until you are sure of them yourself. You now have a child and the child’s father to consider.
Don’t bring on any unnecessary drama on yourself until you know that’s a path that you are ready to travel on. Now having said that, I think that you may need to have some sort of “closure” conversation with this guy. I just want you to be sure what you really want from when you have it. Closure or to continue where you left off.
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WonderChick…why did you break-up with him (or he break-up with you)? Here lies a big piece of the equation. Whatever it was you obviously were able to get beyond it–maybe he has too. But, the relationship dynamics have changed–in a HUGE way. If he has a spark for you (and you for him), on what level is it–physical, emotional, relational, etc? Where you might be sensing a relational reconnection he may only be feeling a physical one. Without knowing this, GirlShrink, is right. You need to define this for yourself and then ask him. Guys, though, don’t really need a “closure” talk. Either it’s on or it’s off. Find out his motivation, know what you want, and then you’ll find out where you both stand for the future–whatever that may be.
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