Dear Girlshrink,
I just want some advice, i met this lad in 2007, i wasn’t in a good place mentally when i met him, i had not long had a termination, i was not myself when it came to men, i met this lad on a night out, we hit it off well, and proceeded to meet up a few times to be honest at the time it felt like it was going anywere and i felt a bit used (with regards to sex).
We didnt speak for 6 months or so he would text me now and then i didnt reply to him all the time i then got a boyfriend, who i was with for a year, he did txt while i was in the relationship but not much i didnt get in touch with him, i split up with my boyfriend in the summer. during this time we did arrange to meet but i didnt turn up, which i know was naughty of me, i didnt hear from him for a 2 months, or so, he did txt me on my bday we started texting again, we arranged to meet a few weeks later, at the end of jan, we met then, and have met another time since, it does feel different this time like it might go somewere, although i have found out he has a girlfriend of 5 year (on and off) he didnt mention it while we were texting at the start of jan, in the end he did tell me i did ask why he wasnt straight with me as he thought i wouldnt meet him, he was really eager to meet me, i decieded i would, i do like and want more when is a good time to have this conversation with him,have i done the right thing meeting him i do like and dont wana get hurt thank you for your help
Dear Don’t Want To Get Hurt,
I think it is very true that you can predict someone’s future behavior based on their past behavior. While I do believe is is possible for people to change, I think it is better to assume that they haven’t. If you didn’t like how you felt after connecting with this guy the first time. Lack of consistent communication. In a relationship he didn’t tell you about. Why would you think that it would be any different this time?If you want to at least lay the groundwork for possible change, I think you need to be totally honest and upfront with this guy about what you expect, how you expect to be treated, etc. if you go down this road with him this time. BUT you must always be prepared for the possibility that any human being can disappoint you. Hurt you. Its possible that he will again — and its also possible that he’s grown and can show you at least the respect that you deserve as a woman and a human being.
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