Hello GirlShrink,
I am in need of some serious relationship help. I have always had a good relationship with my parents from what i’ve felt like. At times I have felt
like they’re too much into what i’m doing, but I know they love me and justwant the best for me. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months short of 3 years now. He’s a great guy who cares about me so much, he puts me first &he loves to be around me. There have been a few times when we butt heads or he has done something little to upset me, but he is always sorry and trys very hard to make it up to me.
I’m going off to college in the fall & recently my parents have been giving me talks about how I should break up with him instead of dealing with the relationship in college. I’m only 18 so i’m not sure if I should treat this as true love, but I know what we have has to be somewhat real or else we wouldn’ve lasted this long together. He’s dealt with a lot from my parents over the years as far as them not being very nice about him, but at the same time he isn’t always very talkative around them. I know he cares a lot about me & I feel like we can make it in college if we’d like to. I just don’t know how to deal with the fact of my parents not liking him and trying to make me break up with him.
Hi College Girl,
Here’s my advice in a nutshell. Do NOT break up with anyone because someone else wants you do. If things are going good – don’t mess with it. If you guys grow apart during college, then let that happen on its own and naturally. Like you said, many couples have made it through college. What this really is about is your parents. Why don’t they like this guy? That’s the part you have left out of this letter. In the meantime, I would have to say that you are going to make decisions in your life that your parents will not always agree with. That’s how you grow and become an adult outside of the influence and opinion of the people that raised you:) It’s hard sometimes because we depend on our parents for so many years – but it is part of the maturing process.
Now having said that, your parents do have a range of experiences that you do not have and there may be a valid reason for why they want you two to grow apart. Perhaps they feel he has too much influence. Did your grades falter? Maybe they don’t want you distracted in college. College is tough and there is so much to do and learn and people to meet. Maybe they want you to have the full experience without the distraction of what they feel is only a “High School” romance.
Ultimately you need to make the decision on your own. Ask yourself what do you want to do. And know that this may change by Christmas, by next year, in four years. And that’s okay. You will absolutely grow and change in college. Whether or not your relationship survives and if it should is only up to you and your boyfriend.
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