Dear GirlShrink,
I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. He is wonderful my family loves him as well as my little girl she thinks the world of him. A year ago I found that he had cheated on a girl he had been dating with me. I met him in June of 2008 and this other woman found out about me on Oct 2008.
She let me know that he was dating her and not only that she told me he was married he broke it off with her but since then trust issues are awful i cant seem to get that out of my head. I knew he was married but from what he tells me she does not live with him and they are only still together cause its convenient at this time.
He also has a little girl but doesnt bring her around i met her 3 times in the past but that was all. He spends 95% of his time with me and if he is not with me he calls me and lets me know where he is at which is usually with his little girl or in meetings or working he makes sure he calls me so i can here what is going on around him so i wont throw an obsessively jealous rampage. I never met his mom or dad, I met both his brothers but he tells me that he doesnt want to let me meet his parents because his mom would eat me alive since she doesnt agree with him leaving his wife. His family loves his ex wife and she is still invited to every family get together that they have. My boyfriend always answers the phone when he is with me and doesnt hide when she calls. I have never spoken to her but according to my boyfriend she knows about me. I don’t think there is anyway that she wouldnt know about me he is with me all the time.
I just don’t know if im wasting my time since it doesnt look like he is getting a divorce anytime soon, I just dont know how to be alone, I dont trust him if I’m not with him, im anxious to know what he is doing, and this is not healthy. He is fed up with it and says that i am smothering him I just dont know how to deal with it. HELP
Hi Friend,Your guy is smothered all right, smothered with the truth smacking him upside his head! He knows that he cannot juggle you, the other woman, the wife, all the kids involved, and his family forever. He’s got to grow up and make choices. Unfortunately, we have yet to determine when any man is finally ready to “grow up” and act like an adult. Look at Tiger Woods!There are things that you can make an educated guess about in this scenario. He is married, and that is much bigger then what you have with him. Trust me. Whether it is bigger because it means more to him, to his family, the reasons why don’t matter. It’s just a bigger animal to contend with. Marriages do not break up lightly – well in Hollywood:) — but not in the real world. Cheaters rarely leave their wives.You haven’t met the mom and dad because you are not being presented as the new love of his life. Being introduced to the brothers is very different. It’s like “look at this new, sexy, woman I have! Aren’t you guys jealous?” It’s very different.I’m sure you have heard it before, but you need to be really careful before you introduce a new man into your life, the lives of your children, and family. You need to be sure that you can trust him. You can’t trust this guy. He cannot give you what you want emotionally because he is torn emotionally in other places – first being with the wife.Honestly – it’s a mess waiting to become an even bigger mess. Get out now!
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