Dear GirlShrink,
I was in a relationship for 11 months about two years ago with this guy. We broke up because of my cheating and stayed friends. He is a great guy and my family even adores him. After we broke up I started seeing someone for a year and 6 months. I got pregnant by him last year and we lost the twins. So now ‘m prenant again and he was involved with me when he thought I was aborting the baby, but instead I got scared and left.
About a day after that he’s going around saying the baby is not his. Of course it hurt me but now I am 6 months pregnant and my ex boyfriend Mr. Right from two years ago and I got back together. We’re talking about marriage now. Now the baby’s father is saying he wants a DNA test which I have no problem doing, but he wants to be in the babies life which I’m happy about but my fiance and I are talking about my baby and I moving to Florida on the Navy Base with him in a year after we get married.
Should I get married and move on with my life and the father see her on vacations and some holidays or stay where I’m at and not be happy. I love my fiance, I always have. I was just young and immature in the past. Now I have a second chance with him and its going great. He’s even leaving from overseas early just to be here when the baby is born.
What should I do. I’m in need of real hep real soon and it seems as if everyone giving me advice doesn’t really understand that my daughter is going to have a father figure in her life which will be my husband soon, but every lil’ girl needs her real daddy.
Dear Pregnant and Torn,If you move with your husband, your daughter (early congrats!) will most likely have a limited relationship with her father. It’s just a matter of distance, time, and the man who will be in her life on a daily basis. If you stay – you take the risk of limiting your own happiness in your marriage.I’m assuming this move is a career must — because if not, I would question the timing of it. Does your new husband want to get you away from your baby’s father because he still has trust issues when it comes to you and him? Does he feel threatened by him? Would he like a better chance to establish himself as the “father” of the baby when she is born – which is much easier to do if you both are far from the biological father? Perhaps he feels as if you all need a fresh start — but at who’s expense?I’m not saying that your husband won’t be a great father, but your child will want a relationship with her father. Especially if you go on to have more children with your husband. There will be that difference between her and the following kids – no matter how much you love them equally. She will always feel and long for that biological connection to her father.You have a big decision to make. Follow your gut instinct. If you think the only way you can “make it” is to move and start fresh – then do it. But just be honest about “why” you’re doing it.
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