Dear GirlShrink,
I met this guy a little while ago, and we hit it off immediately. Pretty soon, things got fairly hot and heavy between us. However, as of late, it’s starting to cool off, and I’m feeling very insecure. He assures me daily that he still cares very much for me, but I’m not sure his feelings run as deep as my own. I’m in love with him.
My friends tell me not to worry, that everything will work out. But I’m not so sure, GirlShrink. We’re not actually in a relationship, it’s more of a friends-with-benefits kind of thing. I know I shouldn’t let myself get involved in such an unreliable correlation, but I can’t help it. When I’m with him, I feel I’m the most important, most beautiful girl in the world, and he is good to me. Yet, our relationship is going nowhere. What should I do?
Dear Hot and Heavy,
I’m afraid I am only going to tell you what you already knew. You entered this “relationship” as many of us do — casually. And that’s what you still have – a casual relationship. That has no strings. He is fine. As he has expressed. Most likely, you have been intimate with him, which changes everything for most women. And you are not okay. You want the magic of the beginning of the relationship and you are worried that it is the beginning of the end — if that changes. Which I guess it is.The reality of most relationships are that the journey on them goes in waves. Peaks and valleys. The beginning is often intense, heated, and wonderful. But rarely does it stay that way. And the worst thing you can do is continually ask for assurances from him that it will stay that way. Just stop. The #1 way to keep your relationship is to RELAX and keep it just as or even more casual than the man you are seeing. He will either LOVE that or rather will be intrigued why you are so relaxed.
Also, does this guy know that you want a committed relationship rather than a friends with benefits thing? And if not – why doesn’t he? And if he does know, and doesn’t want what you want, then why have you continued down this road with him? Just something to think about…
{ 6 comments }
Dear GirlShrink
im 12, a boy and just started high school, im very shocked to say that 3 girls like me! and even more shocked to say that all the girls that like me are all friends with eachother (im friends with them too) but this is a shock for me, im not ugly or really hot im just average. I guess these girls must really like my personality, btw i love girls that like people by there personality and not as much looks. anyway i’ll get to the point, the girl that was the first to like me i REALLLLLLY like, she is always being mean to me (in a joking way and sometimes i am mean to her in the same way) eg. she likes to steal my pencil case when i leave the room and hide it, then when i come back i ask “wheres my pencilcase gone?” and she giggles and smiles then she reveals it and i get it back, but she always smiles when i talk to her casualy and she also passes notes to me during classes under the table.
the second girl happens to be my friends ex girlfriend, just yesterday she said i was awesome and she was telling me to ignore the first girl cause she is annoying! (remember this is coming from her best friend!!!) btw i like this girl, but not as much as the first one.
the last girl is an old friend from primary school, actually i wasnt really friends with her, she just hanged around me occasionly in the 3rd grade. this girl likes me the most but i like her the least out of the 3. she says she loves me and is always asking for hugs and leaning her head on my sholder.
I like the first 2 and i like the last one only as a friend though. I wanna ask out the first one but i think it’ll make the others upset/angry and may affect our friendship.
please help me im really confused!
Aren’t you popular!!! How great:) Based on your descriptions and the circumstances — I would ask the first girl out because you like her the most, she likes you as well (all that flirting:), and she is drama free. The second girl talks meanly about her friend? Not a good girl. And the third girl would just be a waste of everyone’s time because you don’t really like her in that way. Don’t be afraid by the reactions of the other two girls. You only have an obligation to follow your instincts and I think you already know that girl #1 is probably the best choice. Leave the other two alone. (Hey do you have your parents’ permission to ask these girls out?)
dear shrink,
ii left my bf a while back ago because my mom did not like him, and forced me to leave him.Iv been thinking about him teribly, and ii miss.ii dont know what to do.. he also has a gf, so im trying to stay out of it but ii miss him so bad,please help
-lori
Hey Lori,
It’s hard I’m sure. Yet it sounds as if your guy has moved on. I wonder did he fight for your relationship? If not, and I’m not saying you weren’t wrong for your part in this — but perhaps it may not have been the strongest relationship to begin with. It’s time for you to gain some closure. I don’t know how old you are – perhaps you are very young and you must listen to your mother’s rules – but he will not be the only guy you will meet that you will connect with. Just remember it will not always feel this badly. It will get better.
Dear Shrink,
I have been with my man for about a year and a half now, and things are going great, I just have one tiny problem. His Mother. She refuses to let him grow up, and then when he needs to get things done he relies on her (food, laundry etc.) I mean we are still very young and he still lives with his parents, but the way she treats him frustrates me for some very odd reason. Its like she wont let him grow up and then she tells me that it is my job to “whip him into shape”.
Help!
It’s important for your guy to do all the “growing” up and apart from his mother. This is something you need to discuss with him, ad if he doesn’t see it yet — there is little you can do about it until he at least makes steps to be independent. It is part of the natural maturing process — and most likely your guy just may be a little behind.
Comments on this entry are closed.