Dear GirlShrink,
I feel a little silly for writing this, but now that I am doing it. I’ll just write it. I have two kids by another man but am in a new relationship. I really like this guy. We have been dating for about a year and he has been really nice to me. But it makes me uncomfortable sometimes when he tries to discipline my kids (5, 9). He doesn’t spank them, but he does yell at them. I think they are a little scared. I think he just has a short patience level. I don’t want to upset him by saying something to him. I just try to keep them busy when he comes over. My girlfriends say that I shouldn’t let him yell at them but its not that easy. I don’t want to mess things up with him. Help please?
Indira
Dear Indira,
I think the reason you were a little hesitant to write to me about this is because you already know what I am going to say. And you already know what the right thing to do is. Your children should be your #1 priority. They should be who you protect. If this new man in their lives has little patience for them, yells at them, frightens them — then I think you know who needs protection. And who is expendable. It sounds like you might have been alone or on your own for a while and you really crave the intimacy of a relationship – but this isn’t the one. You have to find the right fit not only for you, but for your children as well. You are a package deal. I have seen many a child emotional scarred by mothers who chose not being alone over their children. Don’t do it. This IS your most important job.
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