Dear GirlShrink,
My boyfriend of 2 years told me that he doesn’t want kids. He has one child (a son) from a previous relationship. He is 11 years old. So I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to give me at least one child. One of our own. His son does not live with him. I just don’t get it. Is this just his way of not wanting to marry me?
Cynthia
New Jersey
Dear Cynthia,
It sounds like you want a lot of things from your boyfriend which he is not ready to give…children & marriage. I think the first thing going on here is – is that he is not where you are in the relationship. He’s not ready for “forever after”.
Secondly, it sounds as if he really has made a decision not to have anymore children. Why – only he could tell you that . But I can make a few guesses. He has a child and one is enough. He has a child and knows the challenges. He has a child and wants that child to have to share him. Or he thinks having a child will change the dynamic of his relationship with you.
Lastly, I should warn you. If he has told you that he does not want children – he probably won’t change his mind. Or if you force the issue – like getting pregnant “accidentally” – you may be very disappointed in how little he may be emotionally invested into you or your child. He may back off completely. So if having children is something you absolutely want to do – then it may be best to gracefully get out of your relationship now.
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