Dear GirlShrink,
This guy I am dating and I have been following this particular murder case in our home town and he feels that the woman (the victim) provoked her husband to murder her! He said verbatim, “While she didn’t deserve to die, I think she was asking for trouble when she cheated on him.” Should I be worried about this guy?
-Concerned
Dear Concerned,
I have a couple of things to say to you Ms. Concerned. First of all, like I say to most of the people who write me with questions like this…If you have to ask, then you must have an issue with it. So that’s first. Trust your own instincts on these matters and you won’t go wrong. So if your inner alarm system is giving you a warning signal about this guy – then by all means — listen to it!
Having said that, If it were me I would take what people say with a grain of salt because I prefer to look at a person’s actions. What they do. How they treat people. What they commit to. What they avoid. I judge people by their actions – because honestly people can mouth off about any old thing and not mean a word of it or mean all of it – the proof is in their deeds. So while he may sound like a budding domestic abuser to you — he may just have a weird moral compass. Meaning that while he would never murder someone — he has a bit of empathy for the guys that have done what he probably couldn’t do.
So is he dangerous? Probably not. But is he morally screwed — probably so! And should you be worried? Well, if you want to settle down with someone whose morals are not in alignment with yours – yes. It will inevitably come back to bite you in the butt. So perhaps you need to either keep it very casual or pass on this guy.
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