Dear GirlShrink,
I have been in a relationship with a guy for 10 months. About a month and a half ago, he told me he needed some space…time to sort things out with his life. He has had a lot going with his mom’s health and job issues. He said he couldn’t tell me if he wanted me or not…he just needed time to think. This is typical for him..to totally withdraw when he’s stressed. I gave him his “space”..did not contact him at all..and only responded when he contacted me. In the last two weeks, we have seen each other..talked a lot about “us” and what’s been going on with him. We have had sex a few times. He still has all the pictures of my kids, told me he has been keeping up with me through my friends and facebook page.
He still has items of mine at his house, but says he doesn’t want me to get them..he said just leave them here. I have a date or two since all of this, and he admitted to having one as well, but the girl cancelled on him. He says he cares greatly for me and we both agreed that we want to still see each other and hang out, but I’m not sure what he is really wanting from me or “us”. I need some advice about what to make of all this…is he “into” me or just keeping me around until something better comes along?
Dear Friend,
While it is common for some people to totally withdraw when they are stressed out from the pressures of life, I think this sounds like a bit more. I think you have yet to discover the true reason(s) why he is withdrawing. Why he isn’t sure. For some reason, he doesn’t want to admit them or he isn’t completely sure himself. But whatever the reasons, it’s pretty clear that he wants you in his life WHEN he wants you there and he wants space and freedom to move and life life and date as well. A man knows that when he starts a serious, committed relationship that he is giving up certain freedoms. To us it’s fine. To them it’s like a death sentence.
You’ve got a man with pretty cold feet and my recommendation is to keep dating and look elsewhere. If things are ever to turn around, he will make the move. Until then live your life and don’t make any decisions based on whether or not he is going to be in your life.
