Dear GirlShrink,
My husband has a very unique job. He is an editorial photographer for a mid-sized magazine in our state and takes a lot of fashion type shots of women. While I do view his job and his work as “art” – I found a few pictures of his co-worker on his computer by mistake.
She is not part of any editorial spread – she is an employee. Yet he took some shots of her. Sexy shots. He said that she always wanted to take some and knew that he would do it for next to nothing. So that’s why he took them. He said they were no worse than any other “job” he’s done. So why am I tripping?
I don’t know – am I tripping?
Margaret,
Arizona
Dear Margaret,
No girl – you are not tripping. The reason why I say that is first of all, you are here writing me. That means that some inner bell or whistle has gone off and your instincts are telling you that something is not right. I’d say to go with that. But let me explain…
That doesn’t mean that I think he is cheating with his co-worker — but it could mean many things:
1. She may be interested in him and fulfille some fantasy by having him take her pictures.
2. He may be attracted to her, but has no plans on acting on it. Taking the pictures was fantasy enough.
3. They may be flirting with each other – but again have no plans to take it further. (Which by the way, happens all the time with both men and women in the workplace.)
4. Have no interest in each other at all – and really he just did a favor for a friend.
5. Or they are both teetering on crossing the line.
Whichever scenario – I highly recommend that you ask him about it one more time. Tell him that it was bothering you. Don’t be afraid to be honest and vulnerable when it comes to your marriage. And watch for his reaction.
If he’s too defensive about it – you know that you may have a problem on your hands and you can move further to nip it in the bud. If he laughs and says some nice things to aleve your fears – chances are there is not much going on.
Bottom line – if this is a first offense – I’d give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves otherwise.
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Yes, I agree here…
I would suspect that she is also married or in a relationship and this is the method both of them are using to warm up to each other without crossing the line.
But the funny thing is…both of them likely WANT to cross that line, and this is a first step.
It is a fantasy thing – as I’ve never met a woman who wanted to take such pictures unless she was willing to share her intimate self with him…. she is just putting a toe in the water to see how she feels after doing so.
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