Dear GirlShrink,
I have been married for a little more than 2 years. It was an arranged marriage (India). Things were not terrible initially. But, it was never great either. Then, it started deteriorating and it was really ugly between his parents and mine and we got caught up in the whole thing. The sex life was not great either. He is very caring in terms of taking care of me physically like helping around the houese and always brings me gifts. But I feel completeley emotionally dead in the relationship and I think I will lose myself if I continue to be with him. However, I have talked about leaving him and he gets so emotional and says that he just cannot live without me.
Please advice me on what I need to here – I am unable to leave because I am not sure of what would happen to him and I feel guilty and harbor a sense of betrayal. But I don’t know if staying in this relationship is healthy for me.
Thanks,
shwn
Dear Shwn,
While I do not profess to be an expert on arranged marriages, I can say that it really probably is no different than other people who marry for other reasons than love. I think you need to ask yourself what those original reasons were and why they no longer are enough to support this marriage. Did you marry out of duty, tradition, loneliness, etc.? Were you ready for marriage? Did you want marriage, or was it just time to do it based on what others in your family or friends recommended.If you are “unable” to leave, but feel that you are completely emotionally dead in this relationship, I wonder what type of advice you are actually asking for. How to make yourself feel something that you don’t feel? How to possibly feel less guilty about doing what is best for you and not for everyone? Well – at the end of this world, I believe that most human beings ask themselves if they lived the type of life
{ 2 comments }
hi id like to know if i can divorce my other half for unreasonanable behaviour he is amarried man im his wife he has been sleeoing at his siters house she is single i dont think its eight as he sleeps with me i dont think they are sleeping to gether i think there is more to it on her sisde i found acard she sent her brother knowing he is married its says ur awonderful brother and so special and avery good frien thats ther sort of thing id wtie in acard to him she does have her own family he is neglecting me and treats me not nice what can i dother is money issies too the only place he seems to want to gop is ove r ther she phoned me up once and asked me id my hubby could go on holiday with her i didnt asnswer i told him he said they would sllep in the same room i said u wont and ur not going im youe wife his siter doesnt like me
Hi Kerry,
You should send questions for the column to me via the link at the top of the site “submit question”. But just to be quick here — your husband has no business staying at his sister’s house. Especially if there is friction between the two of you (you and the sister). She is babying him. Mothering him. And he is allowing it. Tell him to come home and work things out with you and stop running to his sister whenever you guys face a problem. Good grief!
Comments on this entry are closed.