I Don’t Trust My Boyfriend and My Best Friend Together

by Lisa Angelettie MSW

in Relationship Advice

Dear GirlShrink,
I’m not sure if I’m a little crazy, but I don’t trust my boyfriend and my best friend around each other. I mean I have read all the women’s magazine articles and stuff about not trusting women around your men — because it’s so hard out here for everyone. But I spend so much time with both of them, that I sometimes our time together overlaps. Especially because my friend is not in a relationship right now. And I think that she may be attracted to my boyfriend — because we both kind of saw him at the same time. But it was me that he approached. I don’t know, I don’t want to hurt her. What should I do?
Karen,
Alabama

Dear Karen,
Trust your instincts. But don’t get ridiculous about it. You may want to be selective about how you spend your time with each person. When you are with your boyfriend – let it be just time with him – or let it be a “group” event. Threesomes rarely work. You don’t have to tell anyone – anything about how you feel. Just maneuver it that you spend time with each one separately. It could be that you are spending a LOT of time with your new boyfriend and your best friend feels like this is the only time she can get in with you — with the three of you together.

It could be that she is a little envious of your relationship, because she isn’t in one. But that’s normal. And while she may be attracted to your boyfriend — doesn’t mean she’ll act on it. Or that he will for that matter.

Just make choices that make sense. Don’t go overboard either way on this. And things should go fine.

{ 3 comments }

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2 Dimplz July 15, 2008 at 7:49 pm

I would add that sometimes there are reasons behind these “feelings.” Like perhaps your friend told you something she’s done in the past, or you know of something she’s done in the past, which makes her not worthy of your trust? If not, you may have to do some soul-searching and figure out if maybe you are a jealous person.

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