Dear GirlShrink,
Ever since I moved, I haven’t been feeling very happy. I dont even feel like going to school. Then Valentine’s Day came around, and I found myself crying in my room. Than on top of that I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. I have such bad luck. With guys and self-esteem. With everything!
Dear Unhappy,
Having just made a big move myself, I know how that feels. Everything has changed. You don’t have the safety of your old life. Old place where you lived. Stores you shopped at. Perhaps old friends. It sounds like you are very lonely, and perhaps a little clumsy:) Remember that your life will NOT always be in this place and feel this sad. You will get to another place where you feel better, but to help yourself along, you could make sure that you do not isolate yourself. Find a friend, a family member, a club, a hobby, something where you around another person. Stay connected to people — that is what’s most important at this difficult time.
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hye Girlshrink.. lately im very sad and depressed. i feel most people are taking advantage on me. it happened since high school to college. i would help my friends like take for them notes and inform them if they cant attend lecture on a particular day bt they never bother to do the same to me.they dont even care i feel cheated and unapreciated. They even talk behind my back bt pretend to be nice infront of me. then i feel most of the guys i know are trying to take advantage on me, like touching my hand and trying to hug me i feel really uneasy because i knew their intentions. They are trying to use me. I feel i cant trust anyone, its like i’m a complete loser and people are trying to take advantage on my good nature. i feel like i want to make more friends, meet more people, learn to be more brave and be strong and never let anybody take advantage on me. but i’m scared that people will still try to cheat me and i will never find anybody whom i really can trust. Even physically i’m small build exactly 5 feet tall and 45kg i feel people look down on my capabilities and think they can easily take advantage on me because im small. i am also extreamly sensitive i cry fast..i get depressed if people cant understand me. i dont have a big friend cycle.. only 1 close guy friend and 2close girlfriend bt i dont have enough time to meet them coz they are busy with their life. Even if they talk to me because they are busy, i cry i feel they dont care about me. I want to go out, do activities bt i dont have my parents support for that..they dont seem to understand what i reallly want..even when i tell them they cant be bothered that much. im lonely..i cant trust anyone..my life experiences made me to be like this.. im scared that i will be scared to face and be strong in the real world out there..pls help me.. what am i suppose to do?
Hi Nicegurl,
You have an awful case of poor self esteem and while we could spend a year in therapy analyzing why etc., I think the more important issue for you right now is figuring out what to do to take steps to get out of the emotional hole you find yourself in.
1. Be grateful for the friends you have and work on cultivating and supporting those friendships.
2. Remember that you teach people how to treat you, so if you did things for people, weren’t treated fairly afterwards, and continue to go on with these people without addressing it or changing it – then they think its okay.
3. I don’t know if you should necessarily have an expectation of reciprocity from people. Just because you gave up your notes in college, doesn’t mean others will do the same. You have to decide if that is a deal breaker for you. If you want someone who is as kind and considerate as you for your friends –then you have to pick those types of people.
4. Find some other ways to fill up your life. Hobbies. Passions. Organization. Public Service. You can’t look for tons of relationships to do that. I think that you having 3 friends is great. It’s certainly enough. I think the bigger problem is that you are not satisfied or happy with YOU or with your LIFE or with the direction that it is going in.
thank you for your advice.. i will really work on it.
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