Dear GirlShrink,
The gentleman I am wildly attracted to is someone I met years ago when we were both married to others. There was no hanky panky (or even a flirtation) between us until I ran into him by accident 5 months ago. Both of us are now single. I was immediately drawn to this polite, respectful, intelligent and charming man. He seemed to feel the same way. We live in different cities. After that first date, we developed a telephone relationship. He expressed a keen desire to meet me for a get-away weekend so that we could get to know each other better.
As much as I wanted to see him, I expressed reservations about asssumptions that I would engage in casual intimacy. He was extremely apologetic and assured me that that was not what was on his mind. We did see each other again a few times last week when we were both visiting a city where my sister lives. There was tons of fabulous affection from this wonderful man, but no sexual intimacy.
Now he plans to come to Nashville to see me next week, and I can hardly wait to see him again. He will be staying at a hotel, and he has put me in the driver’s seat as to how far I want to take intimacy and when I want it to happen. I could love this man so easily, and there is no question that I want him. But I want to retain his respect and take care of my own emotional welfare. And this is a long-distance relationship. How do I know when it is not too soon?
Dear Friend,
I love how you have handled this so far. Kudos to you. When women ask me about the timing of sex, I feel that it is all based upon the circumstances around how you met the person, how well you know him, how he has treated you so far, and how you feel about sexual intimacy. You know yourself best. Will you become clingy and insecure once you have sex with this man and he goes back home? As you have said it is a long-distance relationship. So you really cannot put any emotional stress on yourself on him as to when you will see him again, why doesn’t he call more, etc. You know all the things that women tend to do once intimacy begins.You sound mature and pretty self-aware. I think you feel like you may want to be intimate because of the attraction and vice-versa, but I think you also realize that this could cost you your “sanity” in the long-run. If it were me, I would date him a bit longer before becoming intimate. Especially because it is long-distance. When you are absolutely ready to be intimate, you will know. You won’t have to ask anyone’s opinion or ask anyone to validate for you. It will happen naturally. I think now – the answer is “not yet”.
*Do you have any advice for this woman? Feel free to add your 2 cents in the comment section!
