Dear GirlShrink,
I have been dating a guy for about 5 months and although we talk every day and see each other several times a week, we have not said “I love you.” There are many reasons why I think we are both hesitant to get serious, but we enjoy each other’s company and I don’t want to stop seeing him. The problem is I keep getting this feeling like we “SHOULD” be more serious, and then I get upset about it. I don’t really want to get serious with him, so I need to find ways to stop this knee-jerk reaction of thinking I should want more. Can you give me some advice for how to keep it casual, both in practice and in my head?
Thanks.
Dear Miss Insightful,
I’m glad that you see that what you do feel is different from what you think you should feel. A lot of people never figure this out – ever. So bravo.Now second I want to say that as far as I know, being in a relationship for 5 months is no way enough time to feel that things “should” be more serious. That’s not a lot of time. So you can relax.
Third, what you need to do is “respect” your instincts and your feelings. You have your reasons for not wanting to get serious with this guy and that’s fine. Respect that.
Finally, try to explore and figure out whose voice you hear in your head telling you that you should be wanting more. A parent? Your friends? Church? Because it clearly isn’t yours. Remember that. When the voice pops in your head, tell it that its okay, you’re going to try it your way and see how things go. Trust that what you genuinely feel at any given moment about this guy and your relationship is right and fine for you at the time. And of course this is fluid and can change frequently. And that’s okay too.
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