Hi Girlshrink,
I have been seeing a guy for about a month. He approached me in a pub one night & was very eager. He charmed me that night although he is not my usual type & I didn’t even notice him until he approached me. We both agree that we are an excellent match. We have so much fun together & amazing sex. He also loves my family. We have agreed to keep seeing each other & not to see other people. I can feel the relationship strengthening every time we see each other. The problem is that I am an extremely emotional person & I fall in love very quickly. I feel like I am already in love with him. He says that he really really likes me but he s not in love with me yet because it always takes him a long time to fall in love & he didn’t want to say he was in love yet because he didn’t want to hurt me. I don’t understand this. I feel like I know that I’m in love straight away so I suggested that we end it because if he is worried that he might hurt me it might be because I like him more than he likes me & so there’s no point going on with it. When I
suggested this he became quite angry & sad. He said this was because he loves spending time with me & he just wants things to keep going the way they are & he doesn’t want it to end. I don’t know what to do as I’m worried the longer I leave it the worse I will get hurt. We have agreed not to talk or see each other for 2 days (my idea). Do you think I should stop sleeping with him for a while or something?
Thanks.
Afraid.
Dear Afraid,
You remind me of a friend of mine. You just sabotaged a great relationship because of the possibility of getting hurt by someone who has been completely honest with you. BIG mistake. And let me correct you here and now. You do not fall in love easily. You attach yourself emotionally to people (or just men) easily. You need something and you are looking for it from your relationships, and then these feelings probably intensify when you are sexually intimate with them. That is your issue, not his.Secondly, most people in a relationship are often in two different places in that relationship. It is very common for one person to have stronger feelings than the other in the beginning and that is not something you can force. Nor is it something that should be abandoned just because you both aren’t in the same place right now. To put this in the simplest of terms, RELAX. Enjoy what sounds like a great relationship and a great guy. When he is ready to say that he loves you – he will. Until then just enjoy the relationship and stop looking for words to define your relationship when actions actually speak much more loudly.
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