Dear Girlshrink,
I guess this is my sad attempt to find some sort of answer I need in my life. I am tired of crying daily if not more about this, it’s breaking my heart.. I am in a relationship with a gifted kind man that has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I have saved him from himself, stayed with him when no he trusted no one in the world. I have been there for him in every way. I drive him to his psychiatrists and councilors. I am completely devoted, and completely in love. As he gets more well and gains progress, I begin to ever wonder if at some point it will become less about him and more about “us”.
My main thing is that he doesn’t feel the need to touch me, to satisfy me sexually. I could understand that if the medication makes him sexually unable but that isn’t the case at all. When I get him off he doesn’t ever return the favor. I end up having to touch and satisfy myself. I know in his mind he thinks that all his paranoia is because of me. I hope and pray in wellness that he will move on from this.. I need insight, anything, I am coming close to leaving, then I fear his well being. At this point I know I am here because I HAVE to be, he has no one else right now. All I need to know is could it ever be about me? Why won’t he make an attempt. I told him he has to or I have to leave.
Dear Friend,
This is a difficult one to answer via writing because I don’t know enough about your guy and your relationship. But I will say that the easiest solution seems to be for you both to go to counseling. Simply ask him and his counselor if he is comfortable with you coming in on a session or two so that you can talk about a couple of things. One being intimacy. Because if you are in a relationship with this man and there is no reciprocal intimacy, it makes me wonder if this is a relationship based in need and dependence rather than mutual love.
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