I really need some help with this. I HATE my past. and ive tried to forget about it but my boyfriend keeps bringing it up and using it against me and says hes afraid ill do this again. the guilt of this is literaly killing me. My boyfriend has asked me since we first started dating how far i’ve went with a guy. Please dont judge me wen i tell you about this i just really need advise. but i told him the farthest ive went with a guy is showing 2 guys my breasts on webcam and thats the truth..but… theres one more guy i didnt tell him about. ive actualy shown 3 guys my breasts. i REALLY regret
doing that and it kills me cause im hiding this from him.
Because hes really nice to me and i don’t want to start yet another fight when we argue enough about this everyday. he says he wants a girl that hasn’t done ANYTHING with a guy and i understand that but as much as i wish i could go back and change my past and what i done i cant. and i would tell him about it but he always has went up to the guy i told him about and he asks them every detail about everythingg that i done. and the guy that i shown that i havnt told him about now has a girlfriend and if i tell my boyfriend about this then it can mess up there relationship as well as mine. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO im sooo confused. and its literally.killing me. 
please help.
Dear Confused,
When a guy asks you what you have done with other guys in your past, that is usually what I call a “set up”. You know already that he doesn’t trust and is looking for you to validate those fears with stories about your past. That is what you gave him. Although it seems as if these things happened during your time with him and NOT before him. So that is a bit of a problem as well.Don’t get me wrong, we all have done stupid things in our past, and when I look back on my own mistakes I wonder what good it would have served to have told my guy everything. Honestly, I don’t think it would have served any purpose but create “fear” in the relationship. But here are a few things you need to consider:
1. What may be his ultimate fear? Why does he need so many reassurances from you?
2. Why have you done some of this things DURING your relationship with this guy? Do you have any commitment or trust issues of your own?
3. Could you live with yourself if you simply told them that you have told him everything. Or do you need to tell him the complete truth?
And so this is ultimately the deal though…he says that he wants a girl that hasn’t done anything, well that’s not the case. You know it and he knows it now. So he needs to make a decision and you need to call him on it. We all make mistakes and we all have regrets. What he needs to decide is if he wants to continue a relationship with you based on what he knows and not bring it up. If he doesn’t think he can do that, then it may be time to make some tough decisions. What you don’t want to do is get into a long-term relationship with a guy who constantly belittles you, talks down to you, or holds past incidents against you. That is not a relationship – that is torture!
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