Dear GirlShrink,
My husband and I are both military and we both attend many schools, seminars, etc. each year. When I leave for either school or a conference (the most 2 weeks at a time) my husband seems to always makes me feel guilty for not being at home. Just the little things he says like I’m lonely, lost without you, I’m sad, etc etc but when he’s away from home which is twice as much as I am he’s fine. Even his phone calls are less frequent than mine sometimes it’s late at night before I hear from him and than we only speak for a few minutes because he’s tired. We have a great relationship so I shouldn’t even complain about this one little thing but he is always signing up for one thing after another like he is never satisfied at where he is at that time in his life. Please help
Dear Seminar Girl,
I know exactly what you are talking about! My husband travels much more than I do, yet is always trying to make me feel a little guilty when I am gone. Guess what? It seems as if our “modern” husbands still have a tendency to want their women home where they know they are, taking care of the house, the kids, etc. There is some comfort in that for them. But the key here is to not feed into that.If you feel guilty, it’s because you are allowing him to make you feel that way. If it’s just a matter of him simply annoying you with the comments, you can do one of two things: Tell him that those comments annoy you and that you do not do the same to him, and you’d like him to stop. OR ignore them. I have a friend who is really good at this. Her husband may say something, and she just continues with the conversation as if he never said a thing. Eventually he stopped making the comments.
Now another thing I want to add is that – this may not be the issue at all. It may be you BOTH are a little uncomfortable when the other travels without the other. Perhaps it would be a good idea to plan one seminar apart and to go to one or two seminars together. Perhaps neither one of you is brave enough to say so – but I think you two might fare better finding seminars that you could go together — then no one feels guilty, no one is annoyed, and no one feels left behind.
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