Hey GirlShrink…
I’m about to hit you with a hard situation so fasten your seatbelt…my life is a MESS. I’ve been dating a guy for a year, it may seem like a short time, but i can assure you we both feel like we’ve known each other forever. He loves me so purely and deeply, it makes me cry how true he is. I wont say i love him more, because i dont think i match up to him yet, but i love him very much. We understand each other and simply cant live without each other, its just too hard.
The problem is…my parents and his family. Im 20 years old and he is 20 as well. We as a family are pretty well-off and stable, my parents have a lot of dreams for me and they want me to marry into a wealthy and stable family so later in my life i wont have any troubles due to money. And my boyfriend’s family/ financial situation is really out of order. His financial situation is not as stable and there are many problems going on in his family. His older brother (24) is planning to move out and his parents are not as stable enough to provide for all of them. My boyfriend is very hardworking, he takes responsibility for his entire family whereas his elder brother is always out partying. He doesn’t provide for the family and simply doesnt cooperate.
Being from an indian family, we don’t expect our parents to live off their savings and we always have to provide and take care of them in our home. Thats just the way things work. My parents dont want me to marry into a family that is not going to be able to support me well and i do see where they are coming from. But i also know that if i break up with him due to financial/family reasons, i wont ever be happy. Because i just love him so much, hes my ideal guy…the way ive ever pictured one to be…he fits is pretty well.
He’s just so good that doing bad to him hurts way too much. He doesn’t smoke, doesnt drink, doesnt party too much, he’s responsible, warm-hearted, and one thing that i dont like per say, is that he is very sensitive…he cries everytime i bring something up about leaving him. He says if i leave him he’ll be single forever and he just wont let anyone take my place…I dont want you to think he’s a little girl with tears and stuff because hes a man when he needs to be but he does have a very sensitive, genuine side that i respect a lot. I love him very much, we have been far along the way with each other and we simply cant imagine it any other way.
Is love above family? Because i know if i marry him, which would happen in like 4 years…my parents will never be happy and i love them too much for them to hate me. Also my family is used to living a lavish lifestyle whereas his family is so simple…i dont think they will ever get along, and to me family means a lot, if my family is not happy…i can never be fully happy. Im in such a pickle…i dont know how to break this nice, genuine guy’s heart that i love so much, and i dont know if i want to sacrifice my everything to please my parents…What do i do? 
Dear Love or Family,
As an American my first instinct is to tell you to honor whatever you want from your life and that your family just needs to deal with it, but then again I have to respect your cultural norms and how you feel about your family.
I hear that you love your family and want their approval and respect, but that you just happened to fall for the right guy in perhaps the wrong set of circumstances. OR perhaps this is a lesson for your entire family? Perhaps they will learn that seeing you happy is truly what will make them happy. I don’t know. Maybe it’s difficult for others in your family like your parents to see you in a relationship for love when that perhaps wasn’t an option for them when they were younger. Whatever the case — I think I’m going to lean on my American sensibilities and say that most of us believe that we only have once chance to live our lives. Why not live them happily? Why spend so much energy worrying about what everyone thinks as long as you realize its what make you happy?
So if you are looking to me for a solution on how to break up with him gingerly — I don’t have one. I rather you explore the REAL cost to you if you chose your boyfriend? Is he worth it? And vice-versa? Is your family worth the price you have to pay in marrying your boyfriend?
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