Dear GirlShrink,
I have a bit of quandary, and I need some advice. My boyfriend of two years has been in and out of the state since we started dating (due to his schooling). Well, he has about 10 days of vacation coming up and he’s decided to take a ten hour drive to go and see a girl-buddy of his, and let’s be frank here, I’m feeling a bit… weird about it. This is a really new feeling for me as, although I — like everyone else — have the occasional bout of jealousy, I’m not a terribly jealous person. What’s more, he has several female friends, and I’ve never felt quite like this before. There are two reasons why this is sort of bugging me.
One, whenever he mentions her he sounds sort of dreamy — like he has a crush or something. And two, she tends to be very… very touchy-feely with him. When he brought
up this trip he halfheartedly asked if I wanted to go, and when I hesitated a bit he said, “oh, all right. I just didn’t know how you’d feel about me staying at my girlfriend’s house.” So now I’m faced with two options. I could either go (without an actual invitation from his friend) and be sort of uncomfortable, or I could sit at home feeling a little weird about the whole thing. So, I suppose I have a few questions. For starters, is it really odd that I’m feeling this way? And finally, what should I do — go or stay? Thanks so much!
Massively Conflicted
Phoenix, Arizona
Dear Massively Conflicted,
He does sound like he has a crush on this girl and frankly, the fact that he is driving 10 hours to see her only makes me think that he is subconsciously acting on that crush. Do I think you are weird for being uncomfortable – no. It’s perfectly fine to have your guard up and be protective of your relationship. As for the other part, the “friend” didn’t invite you – therefore I wouldn’t go – but I would absolutely have a blunt and honest conversation with your guy. You can’t skirt around the issue. Tell him how you are feeling (in a non-confrontational way), and ask him honestly how he things he feels about this girl. If has ever liked her in the past or if she was available would he want to be with her. I find that asking the hard questions and looking the person in the eye, tells you everything you need to know. Sure – people can lie – but its not something everyone can do with ease. You may see it in his eyes or mannerisms if he is uncomfortable with your questions. Or if he gets unnecessarily defensive, you know that you’re on to something as well. That’s my take on it. Does anyone else have any recommendations?
