Dear GirlShrink,
I know the answer is simple but Im asking for advice because I can’t get any
closure.
When I first started dating my bf four months ago, it was perfect. I thought he might be the one. He bought me diamonds, treated me well, took care of my needs and made me feel special.
However 3 weeks later and it all changed and now we are 4 months in, he constantly critisizes me, there is no sex, no cuddles or kisses, he is never there for me, always talks about himself, and has NEVER complimented me, puts me down and I dont feel special anymore. He refuses to talk about our relationship and doesnt want to listen to me if I am upset or havy any concerns. He NEVER apologises either.
On the plus side, he constantly rings/texts me, makes sure I’m well fed, he isnt controlling, I know he isnt cheating, hangs out with me alot, talks about us having children. (How bizarre since he hasnt had sex with me for a long time). He holds my hand in public.
We have had many breakups and the last was for 2 weeks before we got back together again. Again there was no cuddling, kissing or sex although he insisted I sit on his lap because he hadnt seen me for a long time. The way he looked at me that day was good too, finally I felt special and wanted by my bf. The next day it was all back to normal again. we saw each other, hung out and thats about it.
Now its only been 4 days since we got back together again and he has decided that we should “just be friends”. I’m pretty gutted.
I cant deal with this anymore. I just want a normal relationship where my bf will respect and want me and not treat me like dirt.
What does he mean with “lets be friends?”
I wont deny, I am hooked on him which is why I find it hard to let go and I take him back easily. I have all these other opportunities and I know some of these men will treat me like royalty but I just cant do it incase I have to compromise my feelings and also it’s hardly fair if Im still thinking about my ex.
I just dont understand why he behaves like this, I am VERY good to him. His own friend has said to him that Im “loyal”, other friends tell him hes lucky to be with me. What more does he want? Especially since he’s looking for a serious relationship.
Dear In The Friend Zone,
It’s funny that you began your letter with “the answer is simple” — because it absolutely is a no brainer. He wants to be friends means that he is no longer interested in you romantically. He is checked out. Now I understand that you need closure because:-You want a guy who does not want you.
-You want a guy who does not treat you especially well.
-You want to figure out why he does this.
-You want to know if there is something wrong with you (although on some level you know that it’s not you)
-You want an explanation. One that makes sense. (Like he’s gay. But you’re not going to get one.)
-You want him to come to his sense and come running back to you, with regret, with romance, etc. (Again – not going to happen)I don’t have to know much about this young man to know that his behavior dictates that he is probably never going to be who you want for yourself. So you have no choice at this point. You must let him go.
And you need to really explore why you want a man who has all the issues that you listed and turn down the guys who would treat you much better. You will need to answer that for yourself before you move into your next relationship.
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