I have been dating someone for the past almost 3 months. We have both been in serious relationships in the past and wanted to ease into this to see where it goes before we made it a committment – my idea actually. During the past three months we have spent a tremendous amount of time together and its
been great. I didnt bring up the idea of a “relationship” because I was enjoying it. We never said that we wouldnt see other people but for my part I began to take it as implied as we spent almost every weekend together and I didnt want to see anyone else. Everything was going great. Until last weekend.
To make a long story short he told me that he slept with someone else. His story was that he was getting scared because he was starting to have strong feelings for me and didnt want to committ to someone he couldnt see himself marrying. He then proceeds to tell me that it wasnt until he slept with this other person that he realized that he wanted to be with me and wanted to make it serious and could in fact see himself marrying me.
It is at this point he asks if I would take the next step with him…. I am obviously horrified and angry and hurt, etc. But on the otherhand completely in love with him. He is sick with guilt and promises me that once I am his girlfriend he would never cheat. What do I do? Before he told me about the other (I have horrible names for her) I would have loved to be with him, but now I feel sick about it. Am I an idiot to stay with him?
Dear Sick About It,
I understand how you feel. Kind of would have been better not to have known about that woman right? Well, I must admit that I applaud your guy’s honesty or relief of guilt. It’s either one or the other. But that’s really neither here or there. This is the deal…You are NOT an idiot about any of this. You are right to have reservations but you also have the right to consider what he has said to be the truth. If it were me, I would go ahead and try and move forward. There have been many good relationships built on much more rockier circumstances. Plus I love the fact that regardless of the reason, he was able to tell you the truth, and let the chips fall where they may.
I know that it may be hard at first to “forget” about this woman — but it’s really up to you to not allow her to enter your relationship any further (in your head). Just make it clear that you want to be crystal clear about the relationship from this point on. The commitment level. If marriage is in the future (if that’s what you want). Etc. The worse that can happen is that it doesn’t work out. The best – is that this man is the love of your life.
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Good morning, SickAboutIt. Please let me give you some insight about your man. He may be guilt ridden and sick about it to you. The operative phrase here is, “to you.” If he was “scared” about his strong feelings then he would either make you feel like the princess in his life and cling to you or run like the wind. The line is a crock of crap. It is used by guys in new relationships to excuse bad behavior. He slept with this woman for good reason–he could and he could get away with it. You are allowing him to do just that. Have respect for yourself and dump him. If he persues you, and I mean really pursues you, then maybe his mea culpas are genuine. If he does it with minimal effort, then you have your answer.