Dear GirlShrink,
I met this guy a little while ago, and we hit it off immediately. Pretty soon, things got fairly hot and heavy between us. However, as of late, it’s starting to cool off, and I’m feeling very insecure. He assures me daily that he still cares very much for me, but I’m not sure his feelings run as deep as my own. I’m in love with him.
My friends tell me not to worry, that everything will work out. But I’m not so sure, GirlShrink. We’re not actually in a relationship, it’s more of a friends-with-benefits kind of thing. I know I shouldn’t let myself get involved in such an unreliable correlation, but I can’t help it. When I’m with him, I feel I’m the most important, most beautiful girl in the world, and he is good to me. Yet, our relationship is going nowhere. What should I do?
Dear Hot and Heavy,
I’m afraid I am only going to tell you what you already knew. You entered this “relationship” as many of us do — casually. And that’s what you still have – a casual relationship. That has no strings. He is fine. As he has expressed. Most likely, you have been intimate with him, which changes everything for most women. And you are not okay. You want the magic of the beginning of the relationship and you are worried that it is the beginning of the end — if that changes. Which I guess it is.The reality of most relationships are that the journey on them goes in waves. Peaks and valleys. The beginning is often intense, heated, and wonderful. But rarely does it stay that way. And the worst thing you can do is continually ask for assurances from him that it will stay that way. Just stop. The #1 way to keep your relationship is to RELAX and keep it just as or even more casual than the man you are seeing. He will either LOVE that or rather will be intrigued why you are so relaxed.
Also, does this guy know that you want a committed relationship rather than a friends with benefits thing? And if not – why doesn’t he? And if he does know, and doesn’t want what you want, then why have you continued down this road with him? Just something to think about…
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